Советы для молодежи о жизни

To 60+ years experienced people, what is your advice for the youth about life?

 facial_impressions Cyrus Murphy

I recently read 30 Lessons for Living by geriatrician, Karl Pillemer, which is this exact question asked to over 1000 senior citizens he found particularly insightful (he calls them “the experts”). From his research he was able to find 30 common themes among them. I took notes and here it is in brief form:

Great Together (Marriage) – Never go to bed angry.

  1. Marry Someone a Lot like You – similarity in core values; homogamy – homogamous marriages; “finding someone who is similar in upbringing, general orientation, and values is the single most important component of a long and satisfying marriage”

  2. Friendship Is as Important as Romantic Love – “the experts suggest you consider what you would like in a lifelong friend and look for that in a potential spouse”

  3. Don’t Keep Score – both parties give 100% all the time. Not 50% in and 50% out. “When you wake up in the morning, think, ‘What can I do to make her day just a little happier'”

  4. Talk to Each Other – learn to communicate about conflicts. We all need to learn how to fight.

  5. Don’t Just Commit to Your Partner–Commit to Marriage Itself – Make a commitment to the idea of marriage and take it seriously.

Glad to Get Up in the Morning (Career) – Do I wake up in the morning looking forward to work?

  1. Choose a Career for the Intrinsic Rewards, Not the Financial Ones – “if there’s another career you wish you could pursue but you are worried that it will bring a drop in income, do it anyway”. A sense of purpose and passion beats a bigger paycheck.

  2. Don’t Give Up on Looking for a Job That Makes You Happy – “don’t be afraid to move around and try different things, no matter how old you are. The most important thing you want to find out is who you are and what capabilities you have.” Persistence is the key to findin job you love

  3. Make the Most of a Bad Job – make the most of every job.Continually learn (from good or bad examples) for use later in life

  4. Emotional Intelligence Trumps Every Other Kind – you must have interpersonal skills to succeed; traits like empathy, consideration, listening skills, and ability to resolve conflicts are fundamental in a workplace

  5. Everyone Needs Autonomy – look for the freedom to make decisions and move in directions that interest you, without too much control from the top

Nobody’s Perfect (Parenting) – Abandon perfection.

  1. It’s all about time – sacrifice if necessary to spend the maximum amount of time possible with your children. Need to be together in the flow of daily household life and not just during planned “quality time”. Spend time doing the things that they like.

  2. It’s normal to have favorites, but never show it

  3. Don’t hit your kids

  4. Avoid a rift at all costs – do everything necessary to avoid a permanent rift with a child– even if it requires compromise on a parent’s part

  5. Take a lifelong view of relationships with children – parenthood goes on long after kids leave home, so make decisions when they are young that will lead to positive relationships in the second half of life.

Find the Magic (Aging)

  1. Being Old Is Much Better Than You Think – don’t waste your time worrying about getting old. It can be a time of opportunity, adventure, and growth.

  2. Act Now like You Will Need Your Body for a Hundred Years – it’s not dying you should worry about–it’s chronic disease. What you do now for you health is very important for your future, but the motivator should not be how long you live but how you are going to live. Bad behaviors and habits are less likely to kill you than to sentence you to years or decades of chronic disease.

  3. Don’t Worry about Dying–the Experts Don’t – Don’t spend time fretting about your own mortality. What the experts recommend is careful planning and organization for the end of life.

  4. Stay Connected – socially isolated are more likely to develop health problems and are less likely to engage in good health behaviors. 2 tips on getting engaged: 1) Take advantage of learning opportunities 2) make a conscious goal of staying connected

  5. Plan Ahead about Where You Will Live (and Your Parents Too) – Don’t let fears and prejudices deter you or your older relatives from considering a move to a senior living community. Such a move often opens up opportunities for better living, rather than limiting them.

I Can Look Everyone in the Eye (Regret) – Lighten Up

  1. Always Be Honest – elders saw this prescription as unconditional. Includes work, fidelity, etc. Most people suffer from serious regret later in life if they have been less than “fair and square.”

  2. Say Yes to Opportunities – embrace new challenges at every turn, saying yes as often as possible. Greatest reward you can receive in your career is the opportunity to do more.

  3. Travel More – Do it now. When your traveling days are over, you will wish you had taken one more trip. Travel while you have the time and the physical ability, and while you can have your favorite travel companion by your side.

  4. Choose a Mate with Extreme Care – this is probably the most important decision a human being makes. Three risky and possibly disastrous things to do: 1) fall passionately in love and commit immediately 2) commit out of desperation (usually in mid-thirties) 3) drift or fall into marriage without the choice or its reasons ever becoming clear. Be very, very selective and look well beyond the near horizon and as far into the future as you can.

  5. Say It Now – People wind up saying the sad words “it might have been” by failing to express themselves before it’s too late.

Choose Happiness – (Expert’s broad truths) – The Golden Rule

  1. Time Is of the Essence – Take advantage of every day you are given. We will be held accountable for all the permitted pleasures we failed to enjoy.

  2. Happiness Is a Choice, Not a Condition You are not responsible for all the things that happen to you, but you are completely in control of your attitude and your reactions to them. Happiness requires a conscious shift in outlook in which one chooses–daily–optimism over pessimism. “Happiness in spite of” instead of “happy if only.” Many experts found that reminding themselves of the gift of life daily helped them choose happiness.

  3. Time Spent Worrying is Time Wasted – Many experts would like to have all the time back they spent fretting anxiously over the future. Tip 1: Focus on the short term rather than the long term. Tip 2: Instead of worrying, prepare. Tip 3: Acceptance is an antidote to worry. Just let it be. Worry takes place in the absence of actual stressors– entirely different from concrete problem solving.

  4. Think Small – Heighten our enjoyment of daily life, even as we wait for our lives to change. Paying special attention to “microlevel” events (drinking coffee, warm bed in winter) forms a fabric of happiness that lifts them up on a daily basis. The experts exhort us to make savoring a conscious act, to treat pleasures in the current moment as special gifts. It’s a shift in consciousness that we can reinforce daily with a a little effort.

  5. Have Faith – Two main reasons why practicing a faith: it provides a source of community, and it offers unique help with coping in times of trouble.

Website: Quora

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